Two Kinds of Aggression & Your Response

 

There are two broad kinds of aggressors

Primitive Aggressors: Have short fuses.  If someone triggers in them feelings of inferiority or weakness, they explode.  They lack self-control, and so they tend to not get very far in life, inevitably hurting too many people (which makes them ever more unhappy and, often, aggressive). 

Sophisticated aggressors: Often rise to top positions and can stay there because they know how to cloak their manoeuvers, to present a façade and to play upon people’s emotions. They know that most people do not like confrontation or long struggles and so they can intimidate or wear people down.  

You can recognise them by one simple sign:  they get to where they are going primarily through their aggressive energy, not through their particular talent. They value amassing power more than the quality of their work (and do not like to share this power).

Let us analyse this personality further: They would like to instill in you the idea that you have no options, that agreeing with their solutions or point of view is inevitable and the best way out.  They will often present themselves as holier-than-you or as the victim of other people’s malice.  The louder they proclaim their convictions, the more certain you can be they are hiding something. They could also be charming and charismatic.  They may have a history of piggybacking on your hard work and presenting it as theirs. 

(Summarised from The Laws of Human Nature -a highly recommended book)

Even as I first read this - behaviour, symptoms and the whole nine yards of manipulative aggressive display - the question was, How would one deal with either kind?  The first step is, of course, to recognise the manipulation inherent in the action (I have learnt to pay attention to action, not statements.  Do you agree ?)  

Once we recognise aggression and a pattern of manipulation, isn't there a dilemma?  How do we deal with this - counter attack or ignore?  To each his/her own, I say.  Since your (and my) goal - every day - is to be happy, should we 

a) take this person on?  A like-for-like confrontation, due to which the manipulator might back off?
b) avoid the person as much as possible?
c) put up with it with a brave face and a smile, but have a release valve: a friend (or a tree) who will listen to my complaint?  Do not discount this option, for it is often the best way out.
d) get others on our side, to neutralise such behaviour from an individual?

I have chosen one of these as the dominant approach (which shall remain a rather flaky secret), other tactics to be used when they appear suitable.  

Our goal - every day - is to be happy (a reiteration!).  Manipulators are never happy.  So, if we choose our method of dealing with such a person, we have won.